I do my best to communicate in a clear and direct fashion.
I value active voice. I value tight sentences. I value communicating value.
I apply learning from the past — be mindful of making claims without evidence, quantify my ignorance, and lead with the big idea.
I am aware that I have still have a ways to go — more to learn, more to mess up, and more to experience.
Except bad listeners. They scare me.
A bad listener is one that speaks and thinks with confidence. They hear and they respond, but they do not listen. If you ask this person to speak back what they heard you say, they will communicate back the total opposite what you meant — confidently. You will wonder if you were truly clear.
And that wonder you have, that will spiral out of control. You will ask yourself over and over again how you might have been clearer. You will examine what you said 100 times over. You will go from a “belief” about your ideas to a “think”. You will lose your confidence in your ideas.
People accused me of being a bad listener before. And they were right to do so. I’ve been that person who needed to win at all costs, even if I must make you question yourself to win. And those mistakes cost me, and life is right to have taught me that lesson. And because I never want to be that person again, I am hyper aware of doing all I can to be an effective communicator. You can imagine how much anxiety I unnecessarily create for myself as a result of bad listeners.
Listening is sometimes thought of as an art. I disagree. Listening is a basic skill. My kindergarten diploma says I have a masters in the kinder arts which includes listening. Listening is something we humans have done since our inception — we have ears after all. The skill should not be hard… especially if kids can do it.
Listening is not only a primal sense that some have, it’s a desire. And when listening is a “desire” then it is no longer a sense but an invitation to connect with other humans or things. The desire to engage in that kind of listening requires energy, time, and capacity. All the resources that are often perceived to be in short supply. Bad listeners do not demonstrate a desire to listen. Good listeners demonstrate a desire to listen, and if they can’t, they say so.
You must have a desire to connect with others in order to listen.
And you must listen if you desire to speak.